weird, Mad Science analysis of the trends, and week 11 picks Mwuahahah! I have sucked just enough as part of my brilliant plan to make everyone overconfident, and Now I have you right where I want you, Mwauhuhah! Only a fool would have doubted my Insane Genius! Soon, I shall have undisputed possession of 2nd place ("all I have to do is deal with that blithering interloper, SCuh-Diller, then Jenn, and then, onward to my true nemisis, Marina! SCuh-Diller won't last two weeks; I bet he couldn't even stop virtual-Brad-Johnson from throwing for 500yards! Mwuahuhah!")! Kudos to Mike, btw; the way things are going, he'll overtake Ben and Jim any day now, and with his handicap, that's saying quite a bit! On to my Mad-Science Picks! Phily is a broken team, after losing T.O., and the last two heartbreakers. Now they get to make it a trifecta by losing to every team in their division in three consecutive weeks, while the Giants bounce back from their embarrasment at the hands of the... Vikings?!? T.O. is a veritable Frankenstein's Monster: ugly, a poor communicator, but nearly unstoppable. The Eagles should have had a better strategy in place for managing the nearly inevitable rampage, and their failure means going from Super-Bowl contender to Can't-Win-Their-Division. Everyone gets healthy facing the folding-Cards, and the Rams are the latest "victims" of this anagathic wonder-drug. I wonder how soon Dennis Green will be looking for work, and who will be next on the Arizona Merry-Go-Round-of-Coaching-Terror! Saints lose at New England. Finally, the Pats get to win 2 straight! I know that I normally am all about following the trend, but in this case, the Patriots' trend of winning every other week is trumped by the Much More Monstrous trend of the Suffering Saints. Their woes go back years longer, and have a few more exclamation points this season. And speaking of Weird, has anyone besides me and Mulder noticed the paranormal connection this season? Week 7, what two teams go on the most unexpected scoring binges? Washington and Oakland. Pure coincidence? Week 6, they both lost to AFC West teams, week 2 they both won, week 10 they both lost again. Washington is 5-2 in its conference, while Oakland is 2-5 in its. Neither of them can beat Denver, despite employing former Denver players, but they can both beat Dallas. Clear evidence of a psychic link between them, but now they have to play each other. Some theorists hold that the AFC teams are better this year, and that Oakland held together pretty well in its loss whereas Washington lost a hearbreaker. I believe Washington has the will to rebound, however, and keep pace with the upward trebd of the rest of its division. Is Brian Billick really the smartest head coach in history to win a super bowl by being in the right place at the right time? If he used special offensive techniques learned in the Orient to prepare his team, a la Batman, or gave them special advantages with Zero-Point Energy, how could they have lost so many? Now, this once-proud Defense can't do more than slow down even a weakened Pittsburgh offense. Steelers. After routing the Ravens for an appetiser, the Jaguars should be ready for the perfect main course: Tennesee Tuxedo (of course its a bird on the menu, this time of year!). Such a logical, culinary equation. Chicago looks good so far, but facing Carolina is an acid test, which will reveal that their defense is human, all too human. And what an ugly way to have their illusions burned away. Detroit is still in the process of tuning up the engines, while Dallas is running efficiently - and opportunistically. Failure analysis of their respective situations suggests a hypothesis: Lion miscues will hand this game to the 'boys. Mad Math Makes it Simple. The Shehawks are 7-2, and they have yet to play the 9ers twice, Phily, Tennessee, and Green Bay. They do have to face Indy and the Giants, but the NFC's Road to the Super Bowl could well run through Seattle, come playoff time. Imagine the All-AFC Super Bowl, Colts vs Seattle, in a rematch of their week 16 meeting in Seattle (at which time the Colts could well be resting their key position people). For this week, though, just imagine San Fran getting dominated. My previous analysis of the weakness of Buffalo was clearly flawed, yet though I am a genius, I am still a Madman, and now believe my calculations were chronologically flawed: Bills lose this week, not last week. There are several formulae which could cause Denver to lose to the Jets, but the New Jersey Jets' coaching staff doesn't know them. Broncos. Only by means of the most precise calculations can one know whether the pressure of being undefeated has yet cracked the Colts. My insane intellect has no time for such time-consuming methods! The Colts are the best, and will dominate the world like Sith lords until some dweeb named "Luke" comes along! Indy win! Bwuhahaha... The most tricksy, nearly-impossible to perform calculation is to forecast the weather in Cleveland... but even if it _is_ bad, that clearly favors... the Power Rushing Attack of the Dolphins! Browns lose. Which Bucs team will show up? The team that played MN and Washington tough, or the team that got beat by the Jets and San Fran? Gruden certainly set the stage for upping his team's psyche by going for the gutsy win over the 'skins. For that matter, which Vick will show up? The perfect pocket passer, the running-and-gunning superstud who set the rushing record by a QB against the Vikings, or the fumble-happy rube who gave away the game to Green Bay? It is almost as hard to figure out this game as to get a grip on my pet Blob... . However, I can imagine the Bucs dominating the Falcons thoroughly,... and I'm having trouble imagining the Falcons dominating the Bucs, unless they get really lucky. Tampa Bay wins. Both K.C. and Houston need total, bionic reconstruction, but the Chefs still have the momentum, if nothing else, to beat Houston. Both teams will need major rebuilding come draft day, however... A month ago, MN barely came back to beat Green Bay, playing in MN. Since that time, both teams have won some and lost some, but Green Bay kept both Pittsburgh and Cincinati honest, and looked much better in their trouncing of Atlanta than the Purple Gang looked while beating Detroit and the NJ Jiants. Now they face a rematch. In Green Bay. On Monday Night. Without Culpepper. And the Vikes aren't up for it. Only fickle fortune can save this game, which is really something of a lynchpin for the Vikings remaining season. A solid win here, and they'll be able to put past problems behind themselves and win the division, and maybe even one playoff game. A loss here, or a pyrric victory, and they won't be able to finish the season strongly. Packers win. With Genius such as mine, I will surely pick them all perfectly this week! And, for those of you who read this far, a bonus: The funniest football column I've read in ages: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/051118