Ravens stop their skid and knock the Padres from the ranks of the unbeaten. Whoops, did I say Padres? I meant Broncos. Their brown and yellow uniforms threw me off.

Texans, cuz the Bills can't beat anybody but themselves

Bears, cuz the Browns can't beat anybody but themselves

Cowboys, cuz that guy from Monmouth got them out of their funk

Jets, cuz payback's a beeyotch

Colts, just cuz

Eagles, cuz the Giants D looks weak lately

Lions, cuz who the fark cares

Chargers, cuz now's about the time of year they stop looking like crap and start to catch up to the Padres... er, Broncos

Titans, cuz this is finally their week! Right Payton Manning? Er... Jeff Fisher?

Packers, cuz Favre's old and busted (and scared, thanks to the Steelers' D), and Rodgers is the new hotness

Cardinals, cuz their passing game is heating up and Delhomme is fizzling out

Saints, cuz Brees, not Lumpy, is Da Man