I knew the Vikings would have trouble at the 9ers with O-line rebuilding in progress... I just didn't know it would produce the ugliest prime-time game in forever. Blech.


So, tonight... Well, first things first: props to the Chefs; I knew it was tough to win with a mediocre QB, but obviously I was wrong to think that the Texans didn't have a more mediocre QB. I may be making the same mistake again, but I think Peyton will do better in Arrowhead than he did at home against a motivated Ravens squad. Therefore...

Denver Broncos win.

In for a penny, in for a pounding.



"The Denver Broncos?!?? Marge, you don't know anything..."



Its hard to win in the NFL when you can't find a decent QB... just ask the Vikings. Or, lately, the Houston Hoyerlers. Carolina wins.

The 9ers did so well last week that Ron Jaworski (and a few others) is picking them to win in Pittsburgh. With all due respect to "Jaws," that was against an ill-prepared Vikings squad.  The Steelers out-gained the Pats by 100 yards last week, out-rushing them 134-to-80, and winning time-of-possession 32-to-28 minutes. So, is this Steeler team one of those "they usually find a way to lose," groups, or were they just rusty? I'm betting that they were just rusty, and they should know that falling behind the Bengals by 2 games in the first 2 weeks is not a good way to win the division. I'll take the Steelers at home, and we'll find out whether they or the 9ers are for real this week.

The only way the Aints can lose this game... is if Winston is suddenly ready for pro-football. I think if that were going to happen, it would have happened in the preseason... or last week, ... or not until December. Or next year. Or the year after. Not today. Today, the Aints win in Norleans.

The good news about Minnesota's loss to the 9ers last week? Even though the Vikings showed enough stink to lose any 3 games, it only counts as 1 loss in the standings. But here's the bad news: that was the easy game in the early part of the Vikings schedule; their next five games? They host Detroit, host the Chargers, visit Denver, host the Chefs, and visit the Lions. If they can't beat Detroit (and they couldn't last year) they could start 0-and-6. On the plus side, by watching film of Lions vs. Chargers last week, they can prepare for both of their next 2 foes. Having started with a loss (and facing Denver, Seattle, and Arizona the next 3 weeks), Detroit is facing the possibility of starting 0-and-5 and will be eager to crush a division foe on the ropes. Until Minnesota shows me that its work-in-progress O-line can play at a pro level, and Blair Walsh shows he can reliably kick field goals, and their D shows that they can hold their own against a team running an up-tempo/hurry-up offense, I can't pick them. Lions win. Go Vikings!

A healthy Arizona team versus Jay Cutler and the same-old-new-look-sad-sack-Bears? I gotta pick the Cardinals to win.

In his first season with the Jets, Rex Ryan faced the Patriots in week 2. His defense did not allow a touchdown and the Jets won 16-to-9. Perennially suffering Bills fans have got to be salivating at the thought of a similar week 2 victory this year. The thing is, I'm sure that Bill Belicheat also remembers that game. And for all that he is willing to cross the line repeatedly in pursuit of victories, Bill is also a smart coach, and if anyone can find the weaknesses in the Bills team, he can. As much as I'd love to see the Bills crush the Pats, I'm picking New England to win. Just to keep pace with Miami, don'cha know?

Congratulations to the Are-We-Moving-To-LA Chargers on coming back to beat the Motor City Kitties! Now you get to be the away team, facing a solid Bungle team. I'm guessing that Cincy wins at home, but won't be shocked if I'm wrong.

So, having humiliated Jammys Winston, the Tennessee Tuxedos turn their attention to Johnny Football. As much as I would love to see a relevant Cleveland Browns team, I have to pick the Tuxedos to win again this week.

The only reason the Giants lost to Dallas last week is because their coach had an attack of idiocy. That makes it tough for New York players to get motivated: "listen, guys, all we have to do is play well enough to beat the other team, mistakes by the refs, and our own coach!"  The problem is that this Falcons team is already motivated, is already playing well, and after last year, has nothing to lose. That's a dangerous combo, and Eli Manning is not the QB to bring down this quarry. Falcons win.

The Are-We-Moving-Back-To-LA Rams won the 2012 trade, getting 3 first-round picks so the 'Skins could draft RG3. Last year the Rams beat Washington 24-to-Zip in December, so Washington fans might be wondering why the NFL is making them play a non-divisional foe again so soon. Just to rub salt in an open wound? Ironically, although they lost and the Rams won last week, the 'skins might be the team looking too far into the future; weeks 3 and 4 are divisional opponents. The Are-We-Moving-Back-To-LA Rams are also the better team, so I have to pick them to win this week.

Usually the teams that win are happy. But the Miami Dolphins gave up 161 yards of rushing to the awful Washington 'skins last week, and all they've been talking about is how they need to do better. Rookie TJ Yelden only gained 51 yards (on 12 carries) for the Jagulars against Carolina last week, and he may not do any better this week against Miami. Fins wins.

After losing to the Bungles last week, this week the Are-We-Moving-Back-To-LA Raiduhs face the Ravens in a battle of silver-and-black versus purple-black-and-gold. Ignoring the sable on both sides of this heraldic conflict, it is clear that purple-and-gold always beats silver (btw, that's Purpure and Or versus Argent, for the heraldically inclined), so I'm taking the Ravens to win.

Dallas didn't play well enough to beat the Our-Defensive-Ends-Need-A-Hand NYGiants, but the uncharacteristic generosity of the Gints coach bailed them out. Or maybe he was just giving his D-Linemen the finger. Now the Cowpokes look for more charity, this time from the City of Brotherly Love. The Iggles, on the other hand, would like to rebound from a loss to Atlanta, and in the parity-plagued NFC Least, I bet they do. Iggles win.

Aaron Rodgers wants revenge for last year's playoff defeat, and Kam Chancellor says, "go for it! Show the front office how much I'm REALLY worth." Challenge accepted. Packers win.

I have trouble imagining the Jets winning on the road in prime time, but the Jets seem to have built a solid offense and Vontae Davis can't cover both Jets receivers. With T.Y. Hilton injured, Revis might well be able to, and I'm not sure the Colts can run on the Jets. So I'll take the Jets to win, even against Luck's lucky beard.